Choosing to become a single parent by choice

There are many different paths to parenthood, each as personal and unique as the people who take them. One route that’s becoming increasingly common is single parenthood by choice.

In the UK, the number of single women undergoing IVF or artificial insemination has more than tripled in the past decade, now making up around 6% of all fertility treatments. Yet even as this path becomes more visible and accepted, choosing to become a single parent can still feel daunting, even when you’re certain it’s the right decision. And while most single parenthood journeys involve women, more single men are now exploring solo fatherhood through surrogacy.

This article explores what it means to become a single parent by choice, the emotional and practical factors to consider, and the fertility treatment options available to help you on your journey.

What is single parenthood?

Traditionally, single parenthood has been associated with unexpected life events such as relationship breakdowns, bereavement, or an absent co-parent. However, in the context of fertility treatment, single parenthood by choice refers to an individual’s conscious, intentional decision to conceive and raise a child on their own.

For women, this often involves donor sperm and intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilisation (IVF). For men, it typically involves using donor eggs and a gestational surrogate.

It’s a proactive, empowered choice rooted in the desire to become a parent, made possible through the advances in reproductive medicine and the growing accessibility of donor conception.

Planning for solo parenthood

Becoming a parent is always a significant life decision, but when you’re choosing to do it alone, there are extra practical and emotional layers to consider. Many people experience a range of emotions, from fear and grief to optimism and determination. Taking time to prepare, mentally, emotionally and practically, can make your journey smoother and more fulfilling.

Determine your motivations

Understanding your reasons for pursuing solo IVF or IUI, or surrogacy can bring clarity and confidence. You might feel time pressure to conceive while fertility is still optimal. You might have reached a point in your life where you feel ready and stable enough, emotionally, financially, or professionally, to raise a child independently. Or perhaps you’ve simply always known you’d prefer to parent alone.

Whatever your reasons, knowing your ‘why’ can help guide your choices and keep you grounded throughout treatment.

Prioritise your wellbeing

Fertility treatment can be emotionally and physically demanding, so preparing your body and mind is key.

Focus on self-care in the months before starting treatment: eat well, rest properly, and consider therapy or counselling if you’d like support processing the complex emotions that can arise.

Optimising your physical health can also help improve your response to treatment and overall success rates if you’re female, while it can help improve sperm parameters in males.

Build a support system

Even the most independent people need support. Surround yourself with trusted friends or family members who can offer practical help and emotional reassurance. You might also want to connect with others who are on the same journey. Single-parent-by-choice forums, online communities, and local support groups can be invaluable.

If you feel comfortable, you might even want to tell your employer what you’re going through, as this can help reduce the stress of balancing work while navigating appointments

Create a financial plan

Solo parenthood involves both the upfront costs of fertility treatment and the long-term considerations of raising a child.

• Review your current income and expenses.
• Explore what benefits, tax credits, or childcare support may be available to you as a single parent.
• Consider how you’ll manage parental leave, savings, and future planning, such as education or retirement funds.

Financial stability can help you feel more confident and secure as you begin this new chapter.

Explore your treatment options

Research fertility clinics carefully to find one that aligns with your needs and values. Compare success rates, patient reviews, and treatment options for single women and men. Be sure to ask about costs, donor sperm sourcing, finding a surrogate and emotional support services before committing.

Single mother by choice resources

Even if you’ve spent years thinking about becoming a solo parent, connecting with others who’ve walked the same path can provide comfort and perspective. Here are a few valuable resources and communities designed specifically for single mothers by choice:

• Single Mothers by Choice network: Founded in 1981, this long-established international organisation provides community, support, and practical guidance for women considering or already living as single mothers by choice.
• Donor Conception Network: A UK-based charity offering information, peer support, and resources for anyone using donor sperm, eggs, or embryos.
• The Stork and I podcast: Hosted by Mel Johnson, a solo mum by choice, this podcast features personal stories, expert interviews, and helpful insights about the realities of donor conception and solo parenting.
• Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood by Jane Mattes. Written by the founder of the Single Mothers by Choice network, it remains a cornerstone guide for anyone on this path.

Single father by choice resources

While fewer in number, there are growing networks and resources for men who pursue solo parenthood through surrogacy or adoption:

• Families Through Surrogacy: A global non-profit connecting intended parents with surrogacy professionals and peer mentors.
• The Modern Family Show: An annual event featuring surrogacy and donor conception experts, with panels for solo fathers.

Can a single woman have IVF on the NHS?

In some parts of the UK, IVF for single women may be available through the NHS, but eligibility is determined by local Integrated Care Boards (ICBs), meaning access and funding vary significantly depending on where you live.

Some ICBs only offer IVF to couples, while others include single women if specific medical criteria are met. Common NHS requirements include:

• Age: The maximum upper age limit is typically 42, though some areas set a lower threshold.
• BMI: Usually between 19 and 30.
• Lifestyle: Applicants are generally required to be non-smokers.
• Fertility history: You may need to demonstrate a cause of subfertility or show that you’ve undergone up to 12 cycles of unstimulated IUI over at least a year.

To find out whether you’re eligible for NHS-funded IVF as a solo parent, speak to your GP or review your local ICB’s policies and guidance.

Can single men have IVF on the NHS?

Currently, NHS-funded IVF for single men is not available in most regions. Surrogacy is generally considered outside standard NHS fertility provision. However, your GP should be able to offer advice, arrange fertility assessments, and signpost you to licensed surrogacy agencies or private clinics for those wishing to pursue this route.

Private options for solo parenthood

If NHS-funded IVF isn’t available in your area, or if you prefer to take control of your timeline, private fertility treatment is a reliable alternative.

Surrogacy

For single men, becoming a parent typically involves fertility treatment using donor eggs and a gestational surrogate. The process begins with creating embryos from the man’s sperm and donor eggs, which are then transferred to a surrogate who carries the pregnancy.

Kind iVF works in collaboration with the London Women’s Clinic, who offer surrogacy treatment and can guide intended fathers through each step, from fertility testing to matching with licensed surrogacy partners.

Using donor sperm to become a single parent

As a single woman, donor sperm is required to conceive. While some people consider using a known donor or informal donation arrangements, this isn’t advisable due to the legal, medical, and ethical risks involved.

Instead, it’s safest to use regulated donor sperm through a licensed fertility clinic. Donor sperm can come from a known individual who has undergone full screening, counselling, and consent, or from an anonymous donor at a licensed sperm bank such as the London Sperm Bank, which is part of the London Women’s Clinic group, the same trusted network that Kind IVF belongs to. All donors at licensed UK clinics are screened under strict HFEA regulations to ensure safety and compliance.

IUI as a single woman

If you have no known fertility issues, intrauterine insemination (IUI) can be a gentler, less invasive starting point. It involves placing donor sperm directly into the uterus around the time of ovulation.

IUI is often described as a more natural and lower-intervention approach compared with IVF. While success rates can be lower, many people appreciate starting with a simpler, more affordable treatment, and can progress to IVF later if needed.

IVF as a solo mum

IVF now accounts for around 60% of all fertility treatments for single patients. Success rates for IVF are higher than for IUI but IVF is more expensive.

The IVF process for single women involves stimulating the ovaries to produce multiple eggs, collecting them, fertilising them with donor sperm in the lab, and transferring an embryo back into the uterus.

At Kind iVF, a third of all treatment cycles use donor sperm. Through our partnership with the London Sperm Bank, we ensure access to ethical, UK-regulated donor sperm combined with compassionate, personalised care for solo parents by choice.

Our Kind donor IVF package makes the process transparent and affordable, with no hidden extras. For £4,500 per cycle, you receive:

• Expert, consultant-led care
• Pre-treatment screening blood tests
• Stimulation medication
• Monitoring scans throughout your cycle
• HFEA treatment fees
• Egg collection with sedation
• One vial of donor sperm from London Sperm Bank
• Two counselling sessions
• Timelapse imaging of developing embryos
• Fresh embryo transfer with EmbryoGlue
• Luteal support medication up to pregnancy test date
• Pregnancy blood test (BHCG)
• Early pregnancy scan (6–7 weeks)

Becoming a single parent by choice is one of the most empowering and meaningful decisions you can make. It’s a journey that takes strength, clarity, and courage, but you don’t have to do it alone.

At Kind iVF, we’re here to support you with expert care, transparent pricing, and a patient-centred approach that recognises every path to parenthood is unique.

We’re here to empower you and support your journey as a single parent by choice. To get started, book a consultation.